WILL I EVER TRUST A CHURCH AUTHORITY AGAIN?
Just read the 1991 book and it was so freeing! Came out of two abusive churches within the last year and thought I was healed until I read this book. I realize there needs to be more time. The authors did an excellent job of showing how some of our own needs and expectations can be taken advantage of in an abusive situation (why do we keep falling into this trap?), etc. Among my top 2nd or 3rd best Christian book I've read. If you just can't see yourself going back into "church", I also recommend the book "PAGAN CHRISTIANITY", newly released this year by Frank Viola and George Barna. It would be great if we could all attend the Open Door church in Minneapolis, but that's obviously impossible. "PAGAN CHRISTIANITY" explores how the "church system" attracts a lot of abusers in the first place. Also, it was so refreshing to read about (in both books) of how the TITHE is an Old Testament practice, never put into practice by Jesus. As one who lived in constant fear (you'll be financially cursed if you don't tithe), it was hard to test this theory of not tithing, but once our family did, we have actually been financially blessed by not being under the LAW anymore. God loves a cheerful giver, not one who is trying to please the deacons, or the pastor in order to get a good position of ministry within a church. WHAT BONDAGE!!! Glory to God and may His Grace Abound to you and yours. It's there for the asking. He came to set us FREE and give us life more abundantly.
A Book to Help Empower Abusers
A few years back, I purchased and read this book. At the time, it seemed to answer a lot of my questions about how people end up being hurt in church situations. The easy answer was that the leaders of that church were probably being spiritually abusive. Since pastors, elders, deacons and others somehow had spiritual authority, when they abuse, their behavior fits into a different category. They are spiritual abusers.
However, spiritual abuse is really an invention of the authors of the book. Spiritual abuse is whatever those defining it and describing it want it to be. They control the definition, as well as the examples that fit their definition. Spiritual abuse is this, but not that. It it that, but not this.
IOW, spiritual abuse is what the authors of the book and those who believe its tenents say it is. There is nothing in the Bible or recognized psychology about spiritual abuse. It is the invention of psycho-babblers.
That doesn't mean that people are not abused in churches. It just means that spiritual abuse is a made up category of abuse. The abuse in churches can be verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual, just like with any other kind of abuse. It can take the form of intimidation, bullying, relational aggression, shunning, threats, and so forth.
A pastor can be abusive. A member of the congregation can be abusive. Even a child or a teenager can be abusive and be in a church, and so forth.
Now I understand things better. There is no such thing as spiritual abuse, unless it comes in the form of demon possession. There was a time I thought this kind of abuse was real. Interesting how one's views can change in a few years. This is an eye-opener for me. Spiritual abuse does not exist. The concept of spiritual abuse is a fantasy or invention of the authors of the book.
This can be a dangerous book, really. Any person who is in a church, and has a conflict with a church leader, can claim that they are being spiritually abused, and the leader has no recourse. People operating with this mindset will do what it takes to destroy the church and that pastor's ministry and reputation in the community.
The book has helped some, it seems. I have not seen that those who promote this book necessarily learn to operate on the basis of grace. I have not seen that those who support the teachings in this book are able to examine themselves. I have seen people who promote the teachings of this book end up defending all kinds of heretical teachings and teachers in the name of protecting the sheep from abusers. I have seen the supporters of this book online go after a person, even calling them on the phone in order to bully them into submission to the new "paradigm."
The way that some of these people went after Stacy McDonald right here on Amazon was very bizarre, for example. They do not stop at internet campaigns, either. I learned that first hand myself. They will take personal information and use it to get at a person through one's husband, church, or even pastor. No one on their side is even telling them that such behavior is inappropriate, to say the least.
I am wondering, too, if the authors had a specific agenda in mind, or just the ones who are using this book as a weapon against anyone who dares to declare themselves to be patriarchal, even in the Complementarian and CBMW sense of that word. It's kind of funny that most "Comps" are painted as abusers, and "Egals" victims of their spiritual abuse. I wonder if this book is agenda-driven, IOW.
I wonder if the authors of the book know what their followers are doing online. I wonder if they would consider it "spiritual abuse." I am guessing that they would say no. They control the definition, after all, and they decide who is and who is not spiritually abused.
Even so, some of the information about leadership and grace is good. I would take away one star from my review and give it only 2 stars.
ANSWERED PRAYER!
This book is an answer to prayer! Reading this book helped me to realize that I am not crazy! My husband and I have also been able to minister to 12 families by purchasing used copies and sharing them with other families who have come out of the same abusive church - We plan to purchase more, so if you are looking at this book used, buy it now before we get the rest of them! May God bless you with His peace and His healing as you read through this book!
An important read
This book was recommended to me by a pastor who thought I would benefit from reflecting on the perspectives presented. I found the insights could be disturbing yet very important to read. The author's presentation of this material was honest and compassionate; investing themselves not only in exposing distructive religious interpretations, but in providing good counsel and constructive problem-solving. If you have ever found yourself questioning religious authority and would benefit from possible validation---read this book. You may uncover the root of your discomfort.
A Must Read for those who are hurting from Spiritual abuse
What a great book. The authors go to great lengths to describe a problem that many believers experience. Buy this book, and it will open your eyes to what the Holy Spirit has been speaking to you for years. You'll feel refreshed, and alot will make sense. If you are in a place that is abusing you, and you feel defeated, accused, and lost your joy in the Lord, this book will help you identify the problem, address it, and allow you to understand God in a whole new way, as a God of love and mercy.
We were kicked out of our church for not "submitting" to the pastor. After reading this book, it gives us a clear picture of what true spiritual authority looks like. We're in a place now that gives life, not more bondage. This book was like a cold drink of water.
(56 reviews)
